


Message in a Bottle

by DrWholocked (Samilu)



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Drunk Texting, Fluff and Humor, Gen, Texting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-27
Updated: 2013-12-27
Packaged: 2018-01-06 10:05:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 775
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1105523
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Samilu/pseuds/DrWholocked
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John is unable to accompany Sherlock to interview people at a bar. Oh dear.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Message in a Bottle

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Marva](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Marva/gifts).



SUSPECT MET BUYER AT GOLDEN LION. NEED TO INTERVIEW LANDLORD. MEET ME THERE. – SH

Sherlock I am at work. Text Lestrade.

LESTRADE WON’T CHAT UP LANDLORD FOR INFORMATION. NEED YOU. – SH

Neither will I.

FINE I CAN CHAT UP THE LANDLORD MYSELF. – SH

I’d pay to see that.

YOU CAN PAY FOR ALL THE DRINKS. – SH

Wait, Sherlock, why are you buying drinks? It’s 3 in the afternoon.

* * *

I DELETED TEQUILA! – SH

APPARENTLY ONE MUST DRINK TEQUILA WITH LIME AND SALT. WHY?? – SH

Sherlock, for god’s sake, you don’t need to do shots to get information from the landlord! Just nurse a beer!

WHAT’S WRONG WITH THE BEER? – SH

Huh?

WHY DOES IT NEED A NURSE? – SH

You’re lucky I’m not there right now I’d punch you. Stop texting me I need to work.

* * *

EVERYONE GETS FRIENDLY WHEN YOU DRINK TEQUILA. WHY DID I NOT KNOW THIS? – SH

You don’t care about friendly. What did you get from the landlord? 

And I said stop texting me I’m working!

HE DOESN’T KNOW ANYTHING. HE KEEPS LOOKING AT MY SHIRT. AM INTEGORATING PATRONS. – SH

JOHN YOU SHOUD BE HERE. – SH

GOINGG HOME NOW. YOU THER? – SH

JOHNTHESKULLISPLOTIGTOKILUS – SH

JOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON – SH

* * *

“Sherlock? SHERLOCK!? Where are you?” John calls as he rushes up the stairs. He hadn’t checked his phone after his last text until he was on the way home. To say he’s concerned would be an understatement – Sherlock _never_ drinks.

“Jhn…room won’t stay schtill,” comes a mumbled reply and a groan from the body half-hidden under the sofa cushions on the floor.

“Jesus, Sherlock, how much did you drink?” John crosses the room to Sherlock and tries to lift him bodily off the floor. Sherlock offers no assistance and flops around like a fish; John barely prevents a flailing fist from making painful contact with his groin.

“Fine you can stay down there. Seriously, what did you drink?”

“Joooohn…you were sposed t’be there t’make the people stop…peopling. They made me singggg! I d’no ‘ny shongz.”

“You sang?”

“Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.”

“….Please tell me someone videoed that.”

“Mmm? Oh yeh, hair-man did, on my phone.” Sherlock fumbles in his pockets for his phone, which is sitting on the floor midway between the kitchen and the coffee table.

“I’ve got it, Sherlock,” John smirks, finding the video and hitting play. Sherlock is sitting on the bar, singing “My Old Man’s A Dustman” and getting the words, the tune, and the notes completely wrong. None of the other patrons seem to care – they’re all singing along anyway. John quietly emails the file to himself (and Lestrade), knowing Sherlock will delete it as soon as he’s sober.

“John,” Sherlock says, quite firmly.

“Yes, Sherlock?”

“You’re my besht friend, John.”

John smiles, his irritation at the knowledge that Sherlock is going to be impossible with a hangover temporarily replaced with a warm glow at the words.

“John?”

“Yes, Sherlock?”

“Thank… you.”

“You’re my best friend too, Sherlock,” he replies.

* * *

_The next morning…_

COME HOME IMMEDIATELY EMERGENCY. – SH

I’m at work again Sherlock, what’s the emergency?

MY BRAIN NO LONGER FITS INSIDE MY SKULL. – SH

Ah, yeah, that’s because your old man’s a dustman. Take some aspirin.

MY FATHER WAS A DIPLOMAT JOHN, WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? WHERE IS THE ASPIRIN? – SH

Aspirin is in the bathroom with all the other first aid supplies. Check the video on your phone.

YOU ARE NEVER ALLOWED TO BE AT WORK WHEN A WITNESS NEEDS TO BE INTERROGATED IN A BAR. – SH

I’VE DELETED THAT INFERNAL VIDEO. – SH

That’s okay, I already emailed it to myself and Lestrade.

I FOUND THE ASPIRIN. I AM NOW CONDUCTING AN EXPERIMENT INVOLVING CORROSIVE ACID, JAM AND YOUR JUMPERS! – SH

* * *

_Several weeks later_

HOW QUICKLY WOULD A 105KG MAN DEVELOP HYPOTHERMIA? – SH

Well, that depends on a number of factors. Why? I’m out with some mates tonight, do you need me?

WHAT FACTORS? – SH

AND NO. – SH

Well, the temperature, type of exposure, how warm his clothing is, if he’s got any shelter. It’s not an equation.

NOT HELPFUL. – SH

Sue me.

* * *

Wot kind o name is SHELOCK anyway?

IT’S SHERLOCK, AND IT’S MY NAME. ARE YOU DRUNK? – SH

Prolly. I text you a lot.

PROLLY?? HONESTLY, JOHN. – SH

Shit, sorry Sherlock. Barry stole my phone.

I SEE. – SH

Seriously, Sherlock. You’re my friend. I love your name.

EITHER THIS BARRY STILL HAS YOUR PHONE, OR YOU ARE MUCH MORE DRUNK THAN YOUR TYPING COMPETENCE WOULD SUGGEST. – SH

Maybe a little yes.

* * *

cant find my keyspls letm e in?

DO YOU HAVE A VIDEO OF YOU SINGING AT THE PUB ON YOUR PHONE? – SH

No?

THEN NO. – SH


End file.
